I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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