A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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