You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is wine microwaveable?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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