Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
