im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
