Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize