exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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