i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Randomize
