just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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