my mouth tastes like poor choices
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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