alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize