Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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