I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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