This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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