yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
