listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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