dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
