God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize