id be glad to
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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