Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
