I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize