You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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