Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
