fuck your aforementioned shoe
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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