I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
