tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
