After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
