I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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