You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she told me i tasted like america
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
