I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
