Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize