Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
