Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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