Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
