How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize