yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
