I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
