Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
