I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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