You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
