I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize