YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
