Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
