We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
