what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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