I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
