Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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