I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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