That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
