woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
