it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't deserve a penis
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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