I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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