ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
