I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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