did you get engaged???
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
