I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Mom said you looked used
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
