hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
