last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
