never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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