it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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