when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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