you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
