Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize