i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
