I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
