eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
