i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
