Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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