I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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