Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
