So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
