Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
