There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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