There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
love makes seman taste better
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize