my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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