i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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