shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
