after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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