The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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