you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
