Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
