Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
