Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Life is so much better after having sex.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
