Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize