I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I will be naked everywhere
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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