We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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