dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
