...so i touched it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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