It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
