Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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