Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
