We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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