So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Randomize
