How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
