Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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