ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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