I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
