Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
