Already got asked if we're dating
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
