He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All the doctor said was why
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize