im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
