So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
