I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I fill condoms, not promises.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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