I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Congratulations! We have a period
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