i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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