She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
