Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
