I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
