i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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